07 Mar 2022 On Building Relationships at Work
No man is an island. We learn to make friends and play with other kids in the playground. And we learn the rules of engagement early on from our parents, siblings, teachers, and other kids. Friendships get us through the worst and best of times and teach us some of life’s most important lessons – on trust, on communication, on respecting others. Some friendships last a season and some last a lifetime. Indeed, friendship is one of the pillars of a happy, successful life.
It is equally important to build relationships in the workplace, although the rules of engagement are necessarily different because the context requires it to be different. Perhaps now more than ever, when many are working remotely, building relationships at work is a critical element of your success or failure at work. Some would argue that “it’s work, we should just focus on the work and not get involved with people there.” Others, like me, will argue that the relationships you build or don’t build at work will make or break your professional experience. You do not need mere “people skills” that people mindlessly put on their resumes. No, you need to know how to build and maintain relationships and you need to be cognizant of the particular rules of engagement at work – and that will change from company to company where there are varying degrees of formality.
Why do you need friendships at work? Are they the same as friendships in real life? We spend a lot of time at work and with our colleagues. We like some of our colleagues, we dislike others. Nonetheless, we must always be very mindful of our relationships at work. There are several reasons why you need to build relationships at work. Firstly, you need friends at work to make the experience of working more humane. You will converse with your colleagues in the kitchen or in the hallway or over lunch. You will share experiences and information. You will work on projects together and build trust over the course of time. And you will sometimes need to rely on others to help you out should you ever need assistance with a project or to act as a liaison between you and someone else (another colleague, a boss, or a person of power in another department) should you need someone to lobby on your behalf for a new position you want, to unruffle feathers should their be tension between you and another colleague, or make an introduction to someone who has the power to hire you for a position you would like to hold.
The rules of engagement at work are different. Obviously, you might not do or talk about the same things you do with your work friends that you do with your real-life friends. You might be more guarded or formal with your work friends. You will probably not want to gossip about your intimate life, share your boyfriend/girlfriend/husband/wife problems, or discuss things that are not related to work or the company. There should be a line between your work life and your real life. And some people do guard their private lives as is their right.
So then, what’s the purpose of building relationships at work? There are multiple reasons for this:
- Information and knowledge sharing. A Dubai-based digital newspaper once wrote to me and asked me to write an article about the satellite jamming that was happening during the World Cup Games in South Africa in 2010. I wanted to learn more about the mechanism of jamming so I called my old colleague, Frank, with whom I had worked at Orbit and he gave me the low-down;
- References. There will come a time when you will need a reference for a job or academic course. Your old bosses might have retired to some faraway land and are inaccessible. Being able to call on former colleagues for references is extremely helpful. And it will be easier if your relationship is still intact so you are not scrambling for assistance in a pinch;
- Mentoring and advice. Your colleagues and bosses are a wealth of information and experience. My father was a big believer in speaking to older people because they “know stuff.” Should you find someone at work or in your professional sphere who seems to be a bastion of wisdom that you lack and need, informally adopt them as your mentor who can coach you through the various stages of your career, talk you through different options and obstacles you might face along the way, and/or give you some perspective on situations that may arise in your work life;
- Jobs. People like to work with people they know, trust, and like. You never know who might recommend you to a project or job outside of your immediate sphere based on the fact that someone worked with you, found you competent, and liked working with you;
- Support. The professional environment might not always be a walk in the park. You might find yourself at the receiving end of unfair treatment and/or bullying. Your work tribe might be able to help you handle it, intervene on your behalf, and even put a stop to it. The support might come in the form of supporting you for jobs, academic posts, and any number of exciting opportunities that people learn about and want to share with their respective spheres;
- Camaraderie. When I was in 10th grade, I took a poetry elective. Our poetry teacher, Mr. Gelpin, recounted the story that his friend, a therapist, told him about one of his clients who had lost everything on Black Monday and had no memories besides working. He spent his entire adult life working and making money. Now, he was broke and he had no memories. The therapist advised the broke banker to read poetry to supplement his lack of memories and enrich his life. You spend a lot of time with the people you work with so it makes sense to ensure the relationships are as pleasant and rewarding as possible. You can’t be intimate friends with everyone, but you can be respectful, charming, and cheerful and foster a sense of camaraderie with your colleagues; and,
- Future clients. You might be an employee now, but there might come a day when you will be an entrepreneur. Your work relationships through the ages might be your future clients or even employees.
Building relationships at work should be done with the same sincerity that you bring to your real-life friendships. We are energetic beings and we can always tell when we are being used or hustled. Build your work relationships with sincerity and honesty. Be a good work friend. And try to be sensitive to the rules of engagement at your particular place of business – there’s always a tone and an unspoken set of rules. Play by the rules, respect boundaries, don’t be strategic and you might find yourself with a tribe of people around the world on whom you can call for help, advice, or just to say “hello.” Of course, you cannot force people to be your friend and not everyone is going to like you. In fact, some people might actively dislike you and make an effort to avoid you. Don’t sweat it. Should you find yourself working in a completely foreign land as I did for 15 years when I worked in Bahrain and Qatar, you will also have to be sensitive to cultural differences. The effort you make to build such work relationships will feed your soul and enrich your professional and life journey.
